tomorrow

soo i was looking over some poetry i'd written over the years, and felt compelled to share this with my fam. crazy how words can spark up nostalgia...

tomorrow,
when people are waking up and going about their business to start another day
i'll be busy trying to find a way to get thru it
tryna find a way to not undue it cause tho my insides are pouring like water from the heavens
and it's so like me to just give him that one last chance
what was done was what needed to be done
and i know that.

tomorrow,
when people everywhere will be busy getting dressed to go to work
i'll be tryna find a way to tell my wrist you can't wear that watch today
and my ears you can't wear those hoops today
and my face you can't wear that smile today
cause they all belong to him and he's not here...today
tryna find a way
to answer their questions when they're wondering why i'm not laughing the way i usually do
or why i'm taking down that picture of you

tomorrow,
they'll be puzzled and they won't understand why my eyes are just a little bit glassy
why my tone is just a little bit brassy
why my voice is just a little bit sassy
and they'll think it has to be just one of those mornings where i woke up on the wrong side of the bed
when really - it was what she said last nite.

tomorrow,
they'll have no clue how the man i thought i knew wasn't
and how the truth i know i heard doesn't
have the slightest reflection of the truth

tomorrow,
they'll look at me and think something's wrong
and they won't even know how they've never been more correct in their entire life
and how my entire life just find out it was an entire lie and that this entire time
i've been in a game with multiple players and multiple pieces and
when i thought i was really passing go and collecting 200 dollars
it was really just the roll of the dice

tomorrow,
they'll wonder why that girl who was so nice
didn't say good morning when she passed them in the hall
when in reality she didn't even see them standing there at all
they'll wonder where i was going in such a hurry
when in reality i was blurry cause i didn't want them to see me cry

tomorrow,
i'll want to die when they ask me about you
when they ask me how you're doing
how we're doing
and i'll have to cleverly construct some form of the truth
because FYI - some of us don't lie

and tomorrow,
when i cry and that one person who i really couldn't care less about sees me and comes over
(with their fake sense of sincerity)
i'll have to smile and say "i'm fine" as they go whisper it to a listening ear

and so tomorrow,
i'll hear a variety of concocted stories about my life
while i'll be busy just trying live it -
just tryna give it reason to keep smiling since the sun will keep shining whether you're here or not

tomorrow,
it'll be a lot harder to be as trusting as i was today
cause i heard her say the same things you told me
give me the same dates you were holding me
made me realize you were folding me with hopes to one day mold me in your lie
i'm just to old to be fooling with this foolishness
i'm tired of this selfishness
if we were to become one flesh
how could you put yourself thru this?

tomorrow,
it's sad but i'm gonna turn on me
and wonder how it was that i could be this naiive
to truly believe that mister wonderful was really wonderful
when i really should have been wondering why you were so full of it
how you had spent the same weekend with
two different sistas in two different states
turned two different loves into two different hates
and still have the audacity to look me in the face
and say "i love you"

oooh tomorrow,
i'm gonna debut the new me
but this time - fully equipped with gear of war
cause love is not really loving anymore
i'ma wear my shield to protect my heart
and i'ma carry my spear to block from afar
i'ma wear that helmet to protect my mind
from lying brothas with lying lines
i'ma wear the right shoes to protect my feet
from following men who don't know how to lead
and cover my ears so they won't have to bleed...
again

tomorrow,
i'm gonna need a shoulder to cry on
and i'm not sure whose it's gonna be but i can guarantee
that for once in a long time it won't be yours

tomorrow,
i'm gonna close doors its taken a long time for me to open
and i'm not sure when they'll see the light of day again
cause i'm gonna toss the keys to the bottom of the seas
and move on

tomorrow,
i'm gonna move on cause i can't hate you forever
it demands to much out of me and i need all of me to be me

so tomorrow,
if you see me don't speak to me cause i'll already be
planning an eternity without you
and i don't doubt you will be sad to be away from me
that your apology's in sincerity
that your tears are real and you'll appear to be
the same man i loved and who loved me
and maybe, just maybe if it were today i'd be
sympathetic to your crying pleas
but it's tomorrow

and tomorrow,
it'll be too late to mend a heart shattered in a million pieces

tomorrow,
it'll be too late to late to iron out the wrinkled creases

do you realize that tomorrow
all the love i had for you ceases
to exist?
so i insist on telling you today that i loved you with every single bone in my person
that i've never been denied any worse and
tho i truly believe you loved me first
that doesn't alleviate one ounce of hurt
i'm looking ahead to the days that will come
and preparing my heart for the day it grows numb
telling myself you were stupid and young
trying to make myself not feel so dumb
and before i leave, i just have to confess
had you asked me to marry, i would have said yes
in my heart i had put you above all the rest
but tomorrow...

tomorrow...

i'll forget you.



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