the waiting. (new poetry piece)

it's the waiting that kills me.

the not knowing
the saying "it will get better"
and then trying to believe myself
the letting go
(and then really letting go)
the emptiness
the blackness of the hole left when you left
when you didn't want to leave but i made you
(i had to)
i've gone thru too much to go back
come too far to now slack
need more faith where i lack

but it's the waiting that kills me.

teal (for the men i love, and the ladies who asked for it)

so today's blog is being posted for two reasons... 1: the fellas sent me a lotta flack because of my last blog post lol, and 2: it was requested since i don't have this piece currently posted anywhere else. soo... for my guys, and for those who asked, here is "teal" ;)

teal

he offered me the world in a crystal vase
when all i wanted was the heart on his sleeve
see he couldn't love -
he could need
he could want, he could feel
but love wasn't real to him
love was like teal to him
not quite blue
more like green

she was mean to him
mistook his kindness for weakness
laughed at his meekness
and dreamed at him
not of him
but at him
sent pillow-filled missiles
of what he could be and what he should be
till what he would be
would be of no use to him
see he couldn't love
he could need
he could want
he could feel
but love wasn't real to him
love was like teal to him
not quite blue
more like green

tomorrow

soo i was looking over some poetry i'd written over the years, and felt compelled to share this with my fam. crazy how words can spark up nostalgia...

tomorrow,
when people are waking up and going about their business to start another day
i'll be busy trying to find a way to get thru it
tryna find a way to not undue it cause tho my insides are pouring like water from the heavens
and it's so like me to just give him that one last chance
what was done was what needed to be done
and i know that.

tomorrow,
when people everywhere will be busy getting dressed to go to work
i'll be tryna find a way to tell my wrist you can't wear that watch today
and my ears you can't wear those hoops today
and my face you can't wear that smile today
cause they all belong to him and he's not here...today
tryna find a way
to answer their questions when they're wondering why i'm not laughing the way i usually do
or why i'm taking down that picture of you

tomorrow,
they'll be puzzled and they won't understand why my eyes are just a little bit glassy
why my tone is just a little bit brassy
why my voice is just a little bit sassy
and they'll think it has to be just one of those mornings where i woke up on the wrong side of the bed
when really - it was what she said last nite.