the waiting. (new poetry piece)

it's the waiting that kills me.

the not knowing
the saying "it will get better"
and then trying to believe myself
the letting go
(and then really letting go)
the emptiness
the blackness of the hole left when you left
when you didn't want to leave but i made you
(i had to)
i've gone thru too much to go back
come too far to now slack
need more faith where i lack

but it's the waiting that kills me.


the saying "good bye"
and then meaning it
the letting the phone ring
and not answering it
and wondering if it will ever ring again
wondering if this is my last chance
should i take it?
nobody's perfect
(should i take it?)
putting it in his hands
and not tak-ing it back

the silence of nobody's there
the sadness of table for one
the memories of yesterday come to an end
cause you're not the friend i need
...just the friend i had

and it's the waiting that kills me.

the basic truth that nothing can fill a space already taken
so filling it with you isn't helping
tho pushing you out isn't easy
for i was accustomed to the fit
and i had gotten used to the feeling
of having someone beside me
even if that someone beside me
wasn't the real answer to my prayers

but it's the waiting that kills me.

releasing the seen for the unseen
the known for the unknown
coming to peace with the prospect
of forever being alone

the truly believing his undeserved kindness is enough
but asking for just one more thing

it's really the waiting that kills me...

but
i will.


(c) la jones 2011
www.latheluvable.com
@latheluvable (twitter)